This Scandal song pretty much sums up the way I feel about 2014. While it was surely not the worst year I have ever had, it certainly was not one of the best. I knew going in that it would be challenging since 2014 was the year of the horse in the Chinese zodiac and as someone born in the year of the rat that was not going to be a good combination. In fact, it was the worst one possible for fellow rat and consciously uncoupled famous person Gwyneth Paltrow and I. Neither of us were not going to escape 2014 unscathed but I do think she got the worst of it because at least I did not piss off Miss Martha Stewart.
This is the time of year when all the news channels, newspapers and magazines trot out their recaps of the biggest news stories of the year and let’s face it, most of them are not events we really want to revisit whether it is the still missing Malaysian Air flight MH370 or Ferguson or any number of other awfulness that bombards us daily. The stories listed below are totally worth remembering because they either made me laugh or cry but only in a good way.
5.) Matroskin: from cat burglar to professional hockey team mascot, the ultimate rehabilitation story. We have all been there, trapped at the airport with nothing but time on our hands and feeling a little peckish. Matroskin the tabby found herself in a similar situation at the Vladivostok Airport and decided to taste test her way through some available for purchase seafood. Even though she had no monies she managed to eat over a grand worth of sushi yet in typical cat fashion did not finish any of it. Matroskin the sushi thief was probably trying to decide what she wanted to snack on next when she was nabbed by the man but instead of the man sending the tabby to kitty cat jail (this was probably a death penalty case in Russia) she was busted out of the brig by some cat loving hockey professionals who decided she would look pretty hot in their uniform and she does, blue is definitely her color.
4.) Tara the hero cat. No one messes with a pissed off pussy’s friend. Tara (another dime a dozen tabby) showed the world that despite cats having the reputation of suffering from a bad case of I-Don’t-Give-a-Fuck-itis when it comes to their humans, she obviously does not. This rescue kitty became an overnight sensation once this video of her seriously kicking some dog ass made the rounds and viola another internet cat star was born.
While some people acted surprised by her act of bravery, her actions did not surprise me in the least. I had two girl cats back in the day, one of which one totally adored the other but sadly that feeling was not mutual. It was more of a Regina George/Gretchen Weiners Mean Girls kind of relationship minus the Burn Book or high school. Once when said Regina George cat was starting to exhibit the tell-tale sign of imminent barfing, I went to pick her up and place her in an area better suited for clean up when next thing you know Gretchen Weiners cat starts biting me around the ankles because she thought I was hurting her Regina. So very not true but Gretchen did not care, she thought I was hurting her bestie and she did not like it just like Tara did not like the intentions of that bad dog towards her little boy friend.
3.) Buddy the ambulance hitching dog. Anyone who has ever loved a dog and had that dog love them back tenfold knows that dogs will do just about anything to be with their owners. Buddy the beagle proved that he was not going to let a little thing like not being taken in the ambulance with his owner stop him from being with his beloved old dude. Buddy just hopped onto the back-end and held on for dear life until he was discovered and brought inside for a safer ride to the hospital.
Buddy who is a bit, shall we say chunky, was recently outdone by a an unnamed little mutt-let in Brazil who ran after the ambulance his owner was taken away in. He/she ran their little heart out scarily weaving in and out of traffic until the crew finally stopped to let the little dog in. We don’t know whatever happened to these two but I hope they found a home together where they can live happily ever after because damn it, they deserve to.
2.) Monkey saves its monkey friend from imminent death. What do you do when one of your friends touches a live wire and knocks themselves out cold on tracks with trains buzzing all around you? Do you run away and leave them to face certain death ala Snideley Whiplash? Or do you stick around and spend twenty minutes doing the primate equivalent of CPR until your pal wakes up like this monkey did? If you are one of my friends I hope you chose option two.
We don’t know this monkey’s name, where he lives, what he does for a living (probably begging) and just what the heck he and his monkey posse was doing at the train station because you can bet none of them had a ticket to anywhere. What we do know though is that this little monkey knows monkey code. Monkey code is like girl code, wherein you don’t leave your friend behind, no matter how annoying they are or how many Long Island iced teas they may have drunk or even how many live wires they touched, you look out for and take care of even your stupid, drunk, partially electrocuted friends, always.
1.) Ai Hin, Fake pregnancy panda. First of all, who even knew pandas were even smart, let alone super cunningly so? They always seemed like cute but dumb bimbo types of animals to me until the world found out about Ai Hin, the Erica Kane-Martin-Brent-Cudahy -Chandler-Roy-Roy-Montgomery-Montgomery-Chandler-Marick-Marick-Montgomery of all bears panda. Ai Hin is not the typical soap opera fake pregnancy faker type though, she was not try to trap Tai Shan Quartermaine into marrying her six-year-old ass (wow, what a spinster), no Ai Hin faked her pregnancy for better food, accommodations (no more awful roommates for her) and air conditioning ( hmm, I don’t have that either…). She is without a doubt a grade A+ hustler with game and for that she hands down the best panda ever.