The unbearable lightness of being without Amazon Prime

Like a lot of people in the first world I have been thinking about cutting the cable cord for quite some time. I have no premium channels, internet or phone bundled with my bill and yet it is still almost a hundred dollars a month. Ridiculous, right? Especially when you figure I watch most shows on Netflix and use maybe four cable channels out of the hundreds I supposedly have. Having cable has become even less relevant since God and Apple got together earlier this spring and gave the world HBO Now. (I have a sneaky feeling Steve Jobs was somehow involved.) No more having to wait for a Comcast Watch-a-thon to get caught up on Girls and Veep and anything else I can cram into a week of being glued to my TV 24/7 minus sleeping and working times.

I was going to cut the cord at the beginning of the year, but it was winter and it seems that I must have been some sort of hibernating bear or ground-hog in a previous life because I never want to do ANYTHING from January until late March when fish fry Fridays are usually in full swing and it smells like spring. But then it was baseball season and the Twins were on and the only way you can see the games live is with cable because Comcast is practically a terrorist organization holding my beloved team hostage and the next thing you know it is August and I have already paid those shysters enough money to fly somewhere where they have sloths. This little cutie is in Chicago so I could probably take a limo to the airport, stay in a swank hotel and make a weekend out of it.

But if my old dad could listen to baseball on the radio his whole life well then so could I for what is left of mine, which is what I plan to do for the next non-winning Twins season. Between Netflix, HBO Now, Apple TV and one or two of these funky looking HD antennas so I can watch my local news, I should be just fine. There are however, a couple of problems* that are ruining my being able to follow my cable-free bliss and one of them is named Amazon Prime, aka Amazon Instant or anything else with Amazon in the title that isn’t a river in South America. Think of them as the Frau Farbissina to Comcast’s Dr. Evil and you pretty much get the picture. I guess that makes Hulu Plus the poor delusional Scotty of the bunch.

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You see I really, really want to see the show Catastrophe, it has everything I love going for it plus a bag of chips, yet I can’t watch it unless I pay $99 to get Prime because unlike other shows on Amazon Instant you can’t purchase this one individually. For six measly episodes that taps out at about $17 a pop and I have to buy my own popcorn. Seems a little steep even by Comcast standards. What about that thirty-day free trial you say? Well, Amazon must have gotten wise to that jive because I tried it for thirty days last year (and to be honest the year before) and now I am being ghosted, just like Charlize Theron did to Sean Penn, only I am not skeevy at all like Sean Penn surely is and it’s not like I want to get back together forever with Amazon Prime, just long enough so I can watch six half-hour shows and maybe stock up on a little bit of strawberry Jell-O for some Kinky pudding shots since you can’t buy that stuff anywhere in stores. 

For those of you lucky enough to have access to Amazon Prime and therefore Catastrophe you should definitely check it out. The show stars American comedian Rob Delaney, who I only know from the Twittersphere, and Irish comedic gem Sharon Horgan, who became one of my all-time faves after creating and starring in Pulling, quite possibly the funniest, bestest show ever about women and dating from either side of the pond. (Did you know you can watch shows on IMDB? Click on the link and you will see.) And for those of us unlucky enough to not have access to either can you please invite us over real soon? Unlimited popcorn and Milk Duds are totally on me.

*the other problem is the actual breaking up part, the internet is rife with horror stories of people trying to cut the cord and practically having to go into the witness protection program afterwards.

2 comments

  1. Amy–you can come over to our house–we have Prime and Hulu and Netflix and Sling thanks to you but NO COMCAST! then the pups can play together sometime.

    1. I may have to take you up on that because I really want to see that show. Not sure about my pup though, she wasn’t that nice to yours the last time, remember? She’s a snot.

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