EasyJet

Pour some sugar on me

According to either Kate Moss or Anna Wintour or any one or another of those skinny beyotches nothing tastes as good as skinny feels but obviously none of them has ever had a Glam Doll donut, McDonald’s french fries or a really good macaron.

The Dark Angel, my favorite!

The Dark Angel one of my many favorites from the Dolls

If you are skinny it can supposedly add ten years to your life, but they’re like the worst ten years, between say 80 and 100, and really who needs anymore of those? If I deprive myself of all the good stuff I want an extra ten years between say 30 and 45 when all of my parts still look and work pretty good, not in my Hurry-Cane/Lark years.

OMG, is that a poodle? And blue is my favorite color. I have seen my future and it is SCARY!!!

OMG, is that a poodle? And blue is my favorite color. I have seen my future and it is scary

After my birthday last month and trying on some ill-fitting summer clothes from my own closet I decided to try and drop a couple of pounds. I used to think my biggest food weakness was a love for all things bread-like, this whole gluten-free phenomena just gives me a big case of the sads because I can’t imagine living the rest of my life being afraid of a delicious piece of bread. God made bread for a reason, for toast, as a lovely receptacle for peanut butter and cute little egg salad croissant sandwiches, I could go on and on. Obviously if you have celiac disease that is a whole ‘nother story and I feel mega-sorry for you, like I do people who are allergic to cats because to me that is a disability and the government should pay for your allergy meds so you can experience the love of a good cat.

please_sir3

I stink at dieting though and thought about doing Seattle Sutton’s again, but I’ve been there and done that and I like to try new and exciting ways to deprive myself so I figured a cleanse was in order. Before you do a cleanse they tell you to eliminate processed foods (not a problem), fast food (still not a problem), reduce caffeine (kind of a BIG problem) and eliminate sugar (did not think was a problem). I was intrigued by Zula Juice and thought I would try a mini weekend cleanse just to see if I could pull off a real three-day cleanse sometime in the future.

I did not go 100% caffeine free (that would be absurd), but I did cut WAY back and was doing much better than I thought I could ever do minus the running to the bathroom eight million times in an afternoon. I did juices for two out of three meals, and ate a veggie-filled dinner (i.e. salad). The killer for me was not my lack of toast for breakfast, no siree Bob, the bad boyfriend of this little scheme was not having any candy AT ALL for two days. TWO DAYS. I could barely go a weekend without a Starburst or a Milk Dud in my life. Every time I walked past my candy dish I practically cried real tears, and to watch a movie without Milk Duds, why that is like a day without sunshine and I don’t like those kind of days, not one little bit. Apparently my sugar addiction runs deep and I am not ashamed to admit it.

If loving you is wrong I don't want to be right

If loving you is wrong I don’t want to be right

Which brings me back to Miss Moss, who recently got kicked off an easyJet plane for being disruptive. Perhaps if she ate a Starburst or two she wouldn’t be so obstreperous? Supposedly she was in the mood for a sandwich so there you go,  even drunk-ass skinny aficionado Kate Moss likes bread, at least some of the time.

But the much bigger question in that amusing little story is why a super model worth millions of dollars would be flying on a beyond budgetary airline like easyJet when I, a non-super model worth thousands (at best, if I count everything in my piggy bank and car) won’t even fly Spirit (the American equivalent)? I mean flying sucks enough these days in coach on a normal airline, why be even more miserable in an airline that practical charges you to breathe and probably has pay toilets? Why Kate why?